Awesomely Modest

Posted by Jae on January 29th, 2007

When the idea of watching the movie your future son-in-law has spent 2 years creating is proposed:

1. Ask what the movie is called.
2. When you hear “Sexmatic” in the title, immediately dismiss the movie as not for you, despite not knowing the actual premise of the movie.
3. Instead, watch a horribly scripted and acted crime show in which a woman was killed, pushed out of a limousine onto a highway, run over by 6 cars and ends up in 18 pieces.

My favourite part was the one character that at least 6 times said “What the hell is wrong with you people?!”

Thank you for your love, understanding and support.

Posted by Jae on January 25th, 2007

There was something different feeling about my first step into the apartment after work tonight. Almost as though there was some sort of container underfoot. When I turned on the light and confirmed this, I have to say, I was pretty damned confused.

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Posted by Jae on January 23rd, 2007

Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar the Traveller has come. Choose and perish.

During the rectification of the Vuldronaii the Traveller came as a very large and moving Torb.

Then of course, in the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex supplicants they chose a new form for him, that of a cute, 65lb mutt. Many Shubs and plastic containers knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Mutt that day I can tell you.

Posted by Jae on January 23rd, 2007

After approximately 25 years, 7 months, 3 days, 8 hours and 15 minutes, I can now finally say that I have shaved while driving.

I recently purchased a Braun 360 Complete (8985), and it’s fucking awesome. I have no clue how such a thing would manage, but it appears to get a way closer shave than even my Mach3 Turbo ever has, without cutting my face up!

It’s an expensive purchase, especially since I think I’m permanently stuck at the beginning stages of puberty. With this thing, I don’t think I’ll end up waiting a month or two before I remember or feel like shaving again. It takes no time, makes no mess, doesn’t leave me with shaving cream behind my ear where I didn’t notice it, and doesn’t require changing the blade for 18 months. The bloody thing even cleans and recharges itself!

While I totally recommend this thing… uh, keep it limited to your face, fellas. Just take my word for it.

Posted by Jae on January 23rd, 2007

Great Jhonen Vasquez inspired artist drawing a picture
Tried drawing and told him how I need to strengthen my skills
Went for a walk with him and some girl
Went into a building, think it was a school
up some stairs and I tried swinging up onto the beams across the ceiling
Baboon came and started attacking me, I struggled free and ran outside
Was in a tiny plane and somehow ended up back inside, trying to get them away from the baboon

I also remembered about a dream from a while back that I never wrote about. Got in a giant shuttle all by myself, it was deafeningly quiet inside. I took a long, long, long flight out into space for some reason.

Posted by Jae on January 21st, 2007

My friend Chad was in New York City this week on business, but had pretty much all of Friday free. For the first time in the 11 years we’ve known each other, he was finally somewhere close by enough where we could meet up.

Naturally, I filled out the paid time off form for my work, telling management:

I trust this will remain private and confidential, and I feel you deserve the honest truth.

The woman I’ve kidnapped and been keeping in my trunk for the past week now has 3 days worth of food next to her and is starting to smell. I will be travelling out-of-state to meet a friend who will help me dispose of the body. We’ll then be going out for smoothies.

Fortunately, only some of management thought this might be a serious concern which should be reported to the authorities. I was still a free man to travel to NYC, the perfect city to meet Chad in.

Without further adieu, THE MAP!

That’s right. Chad and I are about two of the biggest Ghostbusters losers you could possibly imagine, and we hold that unique label with great pride. We set off to see several of the cooler locations used to film one of the greatest movies ever made.

Please join me as I regale you with the retelling of our journey and links to pretty pictures!
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Posted by Jae on January 11th, 2007

I occasionally do freelance work for a doctorb in Chestnut Hill. On my way home, I’ll often head a few minutes out of the way in order to get a burrito from Boloco. It only sets me back about 20 minutes, and it’s the closest thing there is to enjoying the giant, delicious burrito’s from the Black Bean, in Flagstaff, AZ. Justin enjoys these wonderful burritos as well.

Recently, Justin scored the both of us several coupons for Boloco, each granting us a burrito for a buck. He did this by somehow finding a way to digitize our love-seed and eMailing it to the president of the company, and this was their thanks in return.
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Posted by Jae on January 9th, 2007

When I left the house for work this morning I walked over to Dirty, rubbed her on the head, kissed her between the eyes and told her to be a good girl as I always do. I then laughed to myself and commented that she didn’t really have a choice today. I didn’t leave anything out, I scraped the little bit of dried rice off our dinner plates from the night before into the garbage, I closed the empty soup container from the previous day’s lunch tight and left it in the sink.

Today was pivotal in our relationship, as Dirty has taught me never to underestimate her hunger, curiosity, ingenuity and finesse.

As seen in the pictures below, a closed container with mere drops of soup inside, placed in the sink without her ever seeing it? This poses no real threat to Dirty. See how she makes the container her bitch, with ease.

So too, does she force three dinner plates to toss her salad. Dirty knows no sympathy for objects which have come in contact with the slightest amount of food. I am impressed and pleased that she managed not only to keep the plates in one piece, but also place them neatly on her bed for a relaxing and comfortable licking.

I have no clue where the cheese slicer came from.

Posted by Jae on January 8th, 2007

A family friend makes cookies for everyone every holiday season. Yesterday, Danielle brought the remainder of our cookies over to my desk and asked me to bring them to work. The reasoning for this is twofold. She would stop eating them because they are here and tempting her, and I would remember to eat them because they’d be right in my face all day long.

Needless to say, I forgot to bring them to work today. I realized this at around noon, when I thought to myself “I would like a cookie”, immediately followed by “…fuck!”

Seeing as I would not be home until late, I called Danielle at work and warned her. After murdering our dog, Danielle was kind enough to take pictures of the cookie tin as Dirty left it. Apart from a few scratches on the cover, it’s in pretty decent shape.

Posted by Jae on January 8th, 2007

I was staying at Kelly Burke’s place for some reason, with a few other students. There was sme. investigation going on about some key on password. Kelly din’t seem like he was very corncerned about it, though. When I had gotten out of bed, I managed to turn the bed 90º and knockd almost all of the sheets off it. One girl that stayed there asked if I could preheat the microwave for her, but Kelly’s wife already had something cooking. I h ad to get dressed while everyone was eating breakfast in the bedroom, and told the ladies (including his wife) to keep their pants on and don’t rush to jump on me all at once. Put on my cheshire cat shirt and a white t-shirt material gimp mask looking thing. Someone made the comment that they couldn’t believe a kid from the messageboards haddropped the course and didn’t want credit.