Awesomely Modest

Posted by Jae on July 5th, 2007

After the fireworks last night, Peter crashed at my place rather than heading back to my parents house and then back to his place the next morning. After I went to bed, he was still up on my computer playing WoW, at at some point grabbed the box of Ritz crackers out of the pantry.

Well, he finished them off, but he also left the box on the table when he left. Dirty doesn’t care that there’s no crackers. She only cares that there were crackers. It’s the essence she’s after! Behold the shredded box of essence!

Posted by Jae on June 27th, 2007

Right. About that whole being good about not leaving food out thing…

Dirty’s has been on medication for a UTI for the past week or so. She’s had several accidents inside the apartment and so we’ve been keeping the kitchen door open in the hopes that she’ll pee in there, rather than on the bedroom carpet or living room rug. For a while, she was being really good about the kitchen being open again. I’m told she’s pulled a few things out of the sink, but nothing really worth writing about. Until now, of course.

Dirty hates her pills, and it turns out Danielle and I both have different methods of tricking her into eating them. I hide it in a handful of her kibble, while Danielle smears peanut butter all over it. I was not aware of this, and did not notice that she left the peanut butter on the table for me to use with her pills. Dirty did!

She ate pretty much an entire jar of peanut butter yesterday, and appeared to be stomaching it all pretty well for a while. Not anymore. She has now peanut butter puked in the apartment twice. Once on her bed (that’s good), once on the bedroom carpet (that’s bad).

I’m sure you’re all very disappointed that there are no pictures.

Posted by Jae on June 25th, 2007

Considering we’ve gotten pretty good about getting all food items & containers out of the living room when we’re not home, there hasn’t been anything to post about Dirty getting into. Apparently some time yesterday, Danielle left some red pepper mix (Shichimi Togarashi) on the living room table, which Dirt quickly took and opened. Judging by the fact that there’s hardly any less in it than when she got it, I’d venture a guess to say it was a bit too hot for her. I only wish I could’ve seen her face when she tried it.

Posted by Jae on April 18th, 2007

I don’t even know where she found them, but Dirty got into two gladware containers today and turned them into little bits in the bedroom. Of course, I didn’t go into the bedroom until about 3 seconds after giving her a treat.

I’ll have to see if Danielle knows what was in them or where they were.

Posted by Jae on March 29th, 2007

In her usual douchy fashion, Dirty made a mess again the other night.

We came home and saw that someone cute and furry had been riffling through Danielle’s pursebag; the contents sprawled out like a poisoned kindergarten class. Amongst the deceased were such things as a Neti Pot, toothpaste, a chequebook, a Mach 3 Turbo razor, and various other things that I have no clue what they are.

For a good while we had no clue what she was after in there, until later discovering her mouth and her bed smelled like chocolate. It wasn’t until later that Danielle remembered she had a packet of hot chocolate in there, and it just occurred to me now that I don’t think we ever found the wrapper.

Posted by Jae on March 20th, 2007

Justin came over earlier to finish making a DVD for some shitty wedding. Shortly after he started using my computer, Danielle and I left to go out to dinner at a new pizza joint in town. The fact that Justin would only be there for a short while slipped our minds, and we forgot to close off the kitchen. I think it was as we walked up to the front door it suddenly dawned on us.

We hoped like hell it wasn’t the freshly made cornbread.

Opening the door, we saw a box-like thing, which turned out to be a box. A box of old, stale-ass graham crackers, more specifically. We were actually happy Dirty had gotten into food that probably should have been thrown away months ago!

Then we settled down, and noticed crumbs all over the couch where Dirty normally sleeps. We’re less happy about this, but it’s not too bad. We then noticed that over by the other corner, where she was when we came home, she had buried and hidden soggy, dog-slobbery graham cracker between the cushions and under the blanket.

Buried soggy crackers? Dirty, you’re a cunt.

Update: She also left a mess of crumbs on my side of the bed, between the sheets.

Posted by Jae on February 27th, 2007

Over the weekend we bought a sofa table to replace Danielle’s bureau as the thing to put our turtle tank on. It’s in our living room in the place of the two giant, ugly bookshelves we had, and looks awesome. It’s sturdy and has plenty of tic-tac-to-esque storage space for all the turtle stuff we have.

Today I discovered that Dirty thinks she is a plant. Why else would you eat Plant Food Tabs w/ Iron, right? At least, she was a plant, until she apparently discovered that Plant Food Tabs don’t taste very good. She tore all the packaging up, but only ate one of them.

Danielle wasn’t sure if they’d be bad for her, so I called the company that makes them to ask if there’s anything we could or should do to get it out of her system. Fortunately fresh water is all they suggested, and said with the rare exception of an allergic reaction, it shouldn’t affect her at all.

Posted by Jae on February 22nd, 2007

While Danielle has been doing overnight petsitting for about a week now, she’s been stopping home after work to pick up new clothes and eat dinner with me. Danielle made stirfry, and I did a ritualistic dance as I waited for the oven to preheat for some orange, creamy, Pillsbury rolls.

(more…)

Posted by Jae on February 20th, 2007

While I am awesome and went to IHOP tonight for dinner, Danielle made a quick bowl of pasta before heading off to her overnight petsitting.

The bowl was left on my desk, which to Dirty, is no different than prying her mouth open and stomping food down her throat.

Unfortunately, all that was in the bowl was essence of pasta. Essence doesn’t quite make for very good stomping, but Dirty does indeed still love essence flavour.

Posted by Jae on February 15th, 2007

Last night, Danielle and I had a nice candlelit ‘toss it in the oven’ 4 course take-away dinner from a nearby Italian restaurant.

My main meal was Eggplant Parmesan and Danielle had Fillet of Sole with a lobster sauce.  It was a ton of food, and we didn’t come anywhere near finishing.
Enter this morning.

With me still in bed and Danielle in the bathroom brushing her teeth, Dirty apparently forgot that we hadn’t left yet.  Our furry little opportunistic bitch helped herself to the leftover lobster sauce.  I remember hearing Danielle yell at her as she licked sauce off the carpet, only finding out what actually happened right before she left for work.