Author: Cee

I am awesome.
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Never underestimate a hungry bitch.

When I left the house for work this morning I walked over to Dirty, rubbed her on the head, kissed her between the eyes and told her to be a good girl as I always do. I then laughed to myself and commented that she didn’t really have a choice today. I didn’t leave anything out, I scraped the little bit of dried rice off our dinner plates from the night before into the garbage, I closed the empty soup container from the previous day’s lunch tight and left it in the sink.

Today was pivotal in our relationship, as Dirty has taught me never to underestimate her hunger, curiosity, ingenuity and finesse.

As seen in the pictures below, a closed container with mere drops of soup inside, placed in the sink without her ever seeing it? This poses no real threat to Dirty. See how she makes the container her bitch, with ease.

So too, does she force three dinner plates to toss her salad. Dirty knows no sympathy for objects which have come in contact with the slightest amount of food. I am impressed and pleased that she managed not only to keep the plates in one piece, but also place them neatly on her bed for a relaxing and comfortable licking.

I have no clue where the cheese slicer came from.

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My cookies?!

A family friend makes cookies for everyone every holiday season. Yesterday, Danielle brought the remainder of our cookies over to my desk and asked me to bring them to work. The reasoning for this is twofold. She would stop eating them because they are here and tempting her, and I would remember to eat them because they’d be right in my face all day long.

Needless to say, I forgot to bring them to work today. I realized this at around noon, when I thought to myself “I would like a cookie”, immediately followed by “…fuck!”

Seeing as I would not be home until late, I called Danielle at work and warned her. After murdering our dog, Danielle was kind enough to take pictures of the cookie tin as Dirty left it. Apart from a few scratches on the cover, it’s in pretty decent shape.

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No strobelight pillowfights?

I was staying at Kelly Burke’s place for some reason, with a few other students. There was sme. investigation going on about some key on password. Kelly din’t seem like he was very corncerned about it, though. When I had gotten out of bed, I managed to turn the bed 90º and knockd almost all of the sheets off it. One girl that stayed there asked if I could preheat the microwave for her, but Kelly’s wife already had something cooking. I h ad to get dressed while everyone was eating breakfast in the bedroom, and told the ladies (including his wife) to keep their pants on and don’t rush to jump on me all at once. Put on my cheshire cat shirt and a white t-shirt material gimp mask looking thing. Someone made the comment that they couldn’t believe a kid from the messageboards haddropped the course and didn’t want credit.

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Stompin’ mice.

I was woken up by a little white mouse walking around on the floor, and saw that it was stealing a pair of my boxers. I grabbed them, and the mouse started taking the pair next to them. I reached my hand under the bureau to grab them away from it, when I pulled my hand out from under the mouse was biting my finger and I just watched in confusion as it pulled a thick, wide flap of skin down my finger as it dangled in the air.

I grabbed the mouse, wrapping it in my boxers as I walked around my room wondering what to do with it. The mouse somehow slipped out and got away, and shortly after a group of three round grape-sized mice marched up wearing helmets and with little spiked poles in their hands. I stomped on them with my shoes and squished them.

I saw the bathroom door closed and knocked. Danielle and Peter came out, and said that they couldn’t leave the house. They had forgotten the code to turn off the alarm, the back of the house was lit up red, like there were laserbeams everywhere.

A new group of grape mice came around the corner, I showed them to Danielle as she slipped off her shoe and gave it to me. I swatted at them and squished one of them.

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What did the stove do to you?

In tonight’s episode of What Dirty Got Into Today, the beast managed to go several hours without my walking into the kitchen or the bedroom and noticing what she had done.

Needless to say, this is one of the more confusing things I’ve ever seen her do.

She pulled a bowl of marinara sauce out of the sink. Not too shocking, I know, but that had nothing to do with the stove. She knocked the teapot off the back burner, which fortunately fell into a plastic cleaning bucket rather than spilling leftover water everywhere. Clearly the now dented teapot was not enough to fulfill her, so she pulled the burner and the catch pan out.

Here is the aftermath of Dirty: