Category: What Dirty Got Into Today

Dirty is a bitch, and gets into everything.

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Cleaning out the closet

Justin came over earlier to finish making a DVD for some shitty wedding. Shortly after he started using my computer, Danielle and I left to go out to dinner at a new pizza joint in town. The fact that Justin would only be there for a short while slipped our minds, and we forgot to close off the kitchen. I think it was as we walked up to the front door it suddenly dawned on us.

We hoped like hell it wasn’t the freshly made cornbread.

Opening the door, we saw a box-like thing, which turned out to be a box. A box of old, stale-ass graham crackers, more specifically. We were actually happy Dirty had gotten into food that probably should have been thrown away months ago!

Then we settled down, and noticed crumbs all over the couch where Dirty normally sleeps. We’re less happy about this, but it’s not too bad. We then noticed that over by the other corner, where she was when we came home, she had buried and hidden soggy, dog-slobbery graham cracker between the cushions and under the blanket.

Buried soggy crackers? Dirty, you’re a cunt.

Update: She also left a mess of crumbs on my side of the bed, between the sheets.

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But I’m so green and leafy!

Over the weekend we bought a sofa table to replace Danielle’s bureau as the thing to put our turtle tank on. It’s in our living room in the place of the two giant, ugly bookshelves we had, and looks awesome. It’s sturdy and has plenty of tic-tac-to-esque storage space for all the turtle stuff we have.

Today I discovered that Dirty thinks she is a plant. Why else would you eat Plant Food Tabs w/ Iron, right? At least, she was a plant, until she apparently discovered that Plant Food Tabs don’t taste very good. She tore all the packaging up, but only ate one of them.

Danielle wasn’t sure if they’d be bad for her, so I called the company that makes them to ask if there’s anything we could or should do to get it out of her system. Fortunately fresh water is all they suggested, and said with the rare exception of an allergic reaction, it shouldn’t affect her at all.

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That couldn’t possibly have been enjoyable.

While Danielle has been doing overnight petsitting for about a week now, she’s been stopping home after work to pick up new clothes and eat dinner with me. Danielle made stirfry, and I did a ritualistic dance as I waited for the oven to preheat for some orange, creamy, Pillsbury rolls.

Continue reading “That couldn’t possibly have been enjoyable.”

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Not bad, but I saw it coming.

While I am awesome and went to IHOP tonight for dinner, Danielle made a quick bowl of pasta before heading off to her overnight petsitting.

The bowl was left on my desk, which to Dirty, is no different than prying her mouth open and stomping food down her throat.

Unfortunately, all that was in the bowl was essence of pasta. Essence doesn’t quite make for very good stomping, but Dirty does indeed still love essence flavour.

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Forgot we were still home?

Last night, Danielle and I had a nice candlelit ‘toss it in the oven’ 4 course take-away dinner from a nearby Italian restaurant.

My main meal was Eggplant Parmesan and Danielle had Fillet of Sole with a lobster sauce.  It was a ton of food, and we didn’t come anywhere near finishing.
Enter this morning.

With me still in bed and Danielle in the bathroom brushing her teeth, Dirty apparently forgot that we hadn’t left yet.  Our furry little opportunistic bitch helped herself to the leftover lobster sauce.  I remember hearing Danielle yell at her as she licked sauce off the carpet, only finding out what actually happened right before she left for work.