There was something different feeling about my first step into the apartment after work tonight. Almost as though there was some sort of container underfoot. When I turned on the light and confirmed this, I have to say, I was pretty damned confused.
“I-I tried to think”
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar the Traveller has come. Choose and perish.
During the rectification of the Vuldronaii the Traveller came as a very large and moving Torb.
Then of course, in the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex supplicants they chose a new form for him, that of a cute, 65lb mutt. Many Shubs and plastic containers knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Mutt that day I can tell you.
Never underestimate a hungry bitch.
When I left the house for work this morning I walked over to Dirty, rubbed her on the head, kissed her between the eyes and told her to be a good girl as I always do. I then laughed to myself and commented that she didn’t really have a choice today. I didn’t leave anything out, I scraped the little bit of dried rice off our dinner plates from the night before into the garbage, I closed the empty soup container from the previous day’s lunch tight and left it in the sink.
Today was pivotal in our relationship, as Dirty has taught me never to underestimate her hunger, curiosity, ingenuity and finesse.
As seen in the pictures below, a closed container with mere drops of soup inside, placed in the sink without her ever seeing it? This poses no real threat to Dirty. See how she makes the container her bitch, with ease.
So too, does she force three dinner plates to toss her salad. Dirty knows no sympathy for objects which have come in contact with the slightest amount of food. I am impressed and pleased that she managed not only to keep the plates in one piece, but also place them neatly on her bed for a relaxing and comfortable licking.
I have no clue where the cheese slicer came from.
My cookies?!
A family friend makes cookies for everyone every holiday season. Yesterday, Danielle brought the remainder of our cookies over to my desk and asked me to bring them to work. The reasoning for this is twofold. She would stop eating them because they are here and tempting her, and I would remember to eat them because they’d be right in my face all day long.
Needless to say, I forgot to bring them to work today. I realized this at around noon, when I thought to myself “I would like a cookie”, immediately followed by “…fuck!”
Seeing as I would not be home until late, I called Danielle at work and warned her. After murdering our dog, Danielle was kind enough to take pictures of the cookie tin as Dirty left it. Apart from a few scratches on the cover, it’s in pretty decent shape.
What did the stove do to you?
In tonight’s episode of What Dirty Got Into Today, the beast managed to go several hours without my walking into the kitchen or the bedroom and noticing what she had done.
Needless to say, this is one of the more confusing things I’ve ever seen her do.
She pulled a bowl of marinara sauce out of the sink. Not too shocking, I know, but that had nothing to do with the stove. She knocked the teapot off the back burner, which fortunately fell into a plastic cleaning bucket rather than spilling leftover water everywhere. Clearly the now dented teapot was not enough to fulfill her, so she pulled the burner and the catch pan out.
Here is the aftermath of Dirty:
